It's a slow, dawning, and deeply uncomfortable horror. You mention a term like "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria," and your therapist cocks their head with a blank look. You find yourself carefully editing your own experience in real-time, simplifying your non-linear thoughts and leaving out the "weird" parts so you don't confuse them. You realize, with a sinking feeling in your stomach, that you are working harder in this room than they are.
"I feel this wave of guilt every time I bring up something I read. I feel like I'm embarrassing them or challenging their expertise, so I just... stop. I end up pretending I know less than I do, just to keep the session comfortable for them."
The System Failed Them
The mental health industrial complex has churned out a generation of well-meaning generalists who are unprepared for the specifics of neurodivergent brains.
When a therapist doesn't recognize your knowledge about your own experience, when they dismiss your self-research because it didn't come from their textbook, they are committing epistemic injustice. They are telling you that your knowledge doesn't count.
The harm tends to stack — intersecting marginalization (race, gender, disability) can compound how often your knowledge gets dismissed. If you're a woman of color with late-diagnosed ADHD, you're not just fighting one layer of dismissal. You're fighting three.
A Fawn Response in the Therapy Room
Your unconscious drive to manage the therapist's feelings is a brilliant trauma adaptation, often called a fawn response. But when it's activated in a therapy room, the one place designed to be safe, it becomes a trap.
You believe your job is to be a "good, easy patient." You are terrified of embarrassing the professional you are paying. This is a lie your trauma taught you.
You have become their unpaid supervisor.
A therapist who doesn't understand your neurotype will struggle to build the alliance. And the therapeutic alliance predicts positive outcomes.
Your "Kindness" is Self-Abandonment
You are in a dysfunctional workplace. Your "kindness" in protecting their ego is a profound act of self-abandonment.
If you are the most knowledgeable person in the room about your own condition, you are in the wrong room.
It is time to tender your resignation from your unpaid supervisory position. Your energy is a precious, finite resource. You deserve a therapist who is a colleague. Explore neuro-affirming care, read about our collaborative philosophy, or when you're ready to hire a colleague: The search starts here →
Part of: Therapy & Coaching → | Related: Finding the Right Therapist · Collaborative Therapy
